What to Do When Your Hostel Becomes a Bloodbath

Phnom Penh, Cambodia
Day 21: When your “mellow night” is ruined by a bloody drunk guy

Cambodia Royal Palace
Inside the Royal Palace of Cambodia

The day after the Killing Fields was a bit lighter, but still brought the blood. We began the day with a trip to the central market, one of the biggest markets I have seen yet. Afterwards we met up with Kaitlin at the royal palace. The palace looked like all of the other palaces and temples we had seen up to this point. While it was beautiful, we were a bit burnt out. The most interesting thing we saw at the palace was a monkey. We went to take photos of it and Bri must have gotten too close, because it started baring it’s teeth, hissing, and chasing her away. We all screamed as we ran away. And then Bri said it…

“It was smiling at me!”

We roared with laughter as we shouted, “Briana, that monkey wasn’t smiling at you. It was showing it’s teeth because it wanted to attack you!”

Little did we know, this would be the least violent thing we would encounter today. Here are the monkeys doing monkey things . . . before the attack.

When you try to have a mellow night but a bloody drunk guy ruins it

That night we were preparing for our descent to Vietnam, so we decided to have a mellow night. Or so we thought. Bri, Kaitlin and I were piled into Bri’s hostel bunk bed, planning out where we would stay in Ho Chi Minh (Saigon), Vietnam.

Meanwhile, a drunk guy had different plans for us.

As we sat in bed, we saw a guy stumble across the floor to the bathroom. In Asia, many of the bathrooms contain a toilet, a sink and a shower head, so the floors can be slippery. In the bathroom, we could hear this drunk stranger stumble around. His shoes kept squeaking on the floor and we started laughing. That’s when things went from 0 to 100. We heard a loud crash, as if he had broken the top porcelain lid of the toilet.

And then silence.

We realized that the line had been crossed. What was once funny had now become cause for concern. We jumped out of bed and over to the restroom, calling for the guy to unlock the door. Another hostel-mate had come over to help as well. He finally opened the door, only to reveal a bloodbath (pun intended). The guy was laying on the floor, covered in blood. We used the shower to rinse him off and wash out the bathroom, and then carried him to his bed. I went out to the bar and found his friend Jake from State Farm. (His name was Jake and he was wearing a red shirt. So, naturally, that is what I called him.)

Jake from State Farm was very little help.

Apparently this bloody guy had already caused a scene earlier and fallen down the stairs (we were on the 4th floor and there was no elevator) and was kicked out of the hostel. His buddy Jake had to sneak him back in and put him to bed. This guy was incoherent, but managed to mumble that he had taken some random pills from a stranger and then continued to drink alcohol. Great combination, guy.

Jake tucked drunk dude back in bed and went back to the bar. I was keeping an eye on the guy and noticed that his head began to drip thick blood down the side of the mattress. This dude needs to go to the hospital. Also, I feel bad for whoever stays in that hostel bed next.

We called Jake again and told him to take his friend to the hospital. It took Jake, the random helpful hostel mate, and two Mad Monkey employees to slowly carry this guy down 4 flights of stairs and to the tuk tuk. I followed behind with Jake’s beer.

To be fair, I would want a beer too if I were him.

Ending the night with a BANG

After all of this commotion, we finally laid down to rest, each of us in our own bed. Lights out. Minutes later, a drunk couple stumbled into the room and over to the bed underneath Bri’s bunk. I can assume you know where this is headed…

They started going at it, and Bri’s bed was shaking. So loudly, in fact, that I could hear it squeaking faintly in the other room. Bri texted Kaitlin and I, demanding that we help her. She was stranded a top the shaking bed with no way out. Being the good friends that we are, we stayed in our own beds and laughed at her misery.

Oh hush, I already did my good deed for the night.

Buddha with Lotus
Keep Calm and Carry On

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